Whole Lotta Trouble

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Location: Wheatland, California, United States

I'm a mom. I'm a civil servant. I have a sense of humor, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tagged by Penny (hmmmm . . . sounds kinda nasty)

Goodness - 2 posts in one day. I'm being prolific.

ten years ago: I was a new mommy, and going through a mild case of post partum. Granted, the guy in the exercise machine shop that I went into to try to find something for hubby-dear for Xmas didn't help by asking me how far along I was, as I was carrying around my newborn daughter in a carrier. Moron.

five years ago: I had just graduated college, just transferred over to a new Department, and just decided I wanted to try to get pregnant again (before my time limit imposed by hubby ran out).

one year ago: I was still getting accustomed to my new house, and talking with Hubby about the possibility of getting a pool put in. I was actively persuing finding another job, and leaving my boss in a lurch, because he showed himself for the stupid, shiftless, butthead he really was.

yesterday: I had to take Munchkin to the doctor yet again, because the poor child cannot seem to shake one cold before coming down with another. Then I decided to take the rest of the day off, cuz I'm lazy. :-D

five snacks i enjoy:
1. Apples and caramel
2. Apples and peanut butter
3. taquitos and homemade guacamole
4. chips and Hubby's EXCELLENT homemade salsa
5. brownies

five songs to which i know all the words:
1. The Race is on - cover by Sawyer Brown
2. Standing Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks
3. It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion
4. Just Like Jesse James - Cher
5. Here I Go Again On My Own - Whitesnake

five things i would do with $100 million:
1. Pay everything we owe off
2. Set up college/trust funds for my children
3. Pay off everything my mom owes, kick the thing she lives with out on his butt, hire her a companion, and give her enough money so that she doesn't have to worry about anything for as long as she lives.
4. Go on a trip around the world with hubby. (Hubby here, we do that now)
5. Buy enough property to open our own Drive-In Theatre.

five places to run away:
1. Canada
2. Carribean
3. Australia
4. Italy
5. Ireland

five bad habits:
1. I'm lazy
2. I can be rude (especially to telemarketers)
3. I have no patience
4. I swear too much
5. I'm a couch potato

five things i like doing:
1. spending time with hubby (feeding him cherry pie)
2. spending time with my family
3. surfing blogs
4. reading
5. watching movies

five things i would never wear:
1. frilly crap (unless it's a lacy neglige)
2. high heel shoes
3. muumuu's: I'm with Penny and ltlme on this one - Mom wears them all the time, and I cannot stand them.
4. mini skirts - my hips and thighs are just a bit too much for this look anymore.
5. low rise pants with a midi shirt - After two kids, and as lazy as I am, this look is just NOT for me, thankyouverymuch.

five favorite tv shows: (past and present)
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Lost
3. Nip/Tuck
4. The Justice League
5. M*A*S*H

five biggest joys in my life:
1. My Husband
2. My Children
3. My Friends
4. My Mom (even though she annoys the pee pee outta me)
5. Spending quality time with all of the above.

five favorite toys:
1. HUBBY!!!
2. my stuffed cat, Cuddlekins, that my aunt made for me when I was about 5.
3. the computer
4. the digital camera
5. HUBBY!!!

And I don't tag, so there. :-P

Gratuitous T&A

Just one of the many reasons I like Country music.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Stolen from Penny

Okay - go ahead. Give me your best shot.

You Are Cherry Pie

You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy
Those who like you enjoy a contradiction

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

As Long as She's Happy . . .

Well, now that you all know my weakness for the gossip column, I've decided to share another tidbit I found at MSN Entertainment.

Hubby and I have had this snarky feud going the past couple of years. He adores Britney Spears. Completely adores her. I never had any real problems with her. I mean, she's moderately talented, has a really nice body, and generally seems sweet when she's being interviewed. The only problem I ever had with her was her image. Being the mother of young girls, the last thing they need to be idolizing is some scantily clad teenage tart.

Anyway - we all know about Brit's other half. The moocher. The man who, in my humble opinion, showed very little class when he dumped his PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND for Ms. Britney. The man who, to the best of my knowledge, has no life skills on his resume, save a few dancing gigs. It's guys like this who remind me of those cute guys you went to school with. You know - popular, good-looking, skated through school not ever learning anything, barely passing with C's and D's, who you see 10 or 15 years after graduation, still dressing the same way they did, still talking the same way, still living with Mom and Dad. You know - complete losers.

So - for some unknown reason, GQ has listed Mr. Federline as one of their "Men of the Year", and I stole the following from MSN Entertainment, who in turn, stole it from GQ. Btw - my snark is printed in green.

Speaking of crying, you'll likely be shedding a few tears -- of laughter anyway -- after reading K. Fed's interview with GQ, which just dubbed him one of its Men of the Year.

The magazine quizzes the so-called "American Husband: Trophy Edition"(ah yes - that explains his new title - it's the 'trophy edition'. gotcha.) on his domestic duties, including whether there's a particular "household task" at which he excels.

Offers Kevin, "Pressing the TV buttons. Yeah, dude. That's like the No. 1 thing." (my guess is that's all he's qualified to do.)

Does he ever surprise his meal-ticket missus with flowers? "Oh yeah," says the romance-minded Federline. "I'll call up the [bleeping] florist before I get a hotel room for us and have them stock it with flowers and a card saying something. You've got to keep it interesting, man." (let me guess - you probably buy them with her money, huh?)

In between dialing the "[bleeping] florist" and penning love notes that say "something," Kevin is also happy to kowtow to his wife: "Oh yeah, I'll hold her purse. It's one of those things, you know? I've bought the Tampax, the baby diapers, I've been through all of that already." (Oh, yeah - you're just so experienced, and soo knowledgeable to women's needs - scuse me while I try to keep down my lunch.)

And that easygoing feeling extends to their home life, with Federline, who appears in the mag wearing denim he-capris, a standard issue white tank top, socks with sandals and an apron, revealing how he sometimes fails to secure the bathroom door: "The comfort level around here? It's family, man. It's like what you do with your brother or your sister or, you know, your moms or pops. I mean, you never cared when you were a kid." (yeah, but dude - you're not a kid anymore - grow the fuck up, already.)

As for why he was selected as Man of the Year, Britney's less flush half is convinced it's "because I'm Daddy, dude. I'm Daddy. [Bleep], that's pretty much it." (yup - that pretty much covers it, imo - moron.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Well, this explains it

Now - people who know me, know that I love to read Hollywood gossip. I can't help it - it's an addiction. Granted, I refuse to buy the rag-mags (ie Enquirer, Star, etc), but I'll watch E!, read People Magazine, and whenever I'm on the net, I usually check E-online and MSN Hollywood. I love the stuff.

There have been very few couplings that have been as cringeworthy as TomKat. Honestly - that much happy happy joy joy, and I'm heading for the nearest barf-bag, thankyouverymuch. It just reeks of PR setup to me. Yeah, we've all heard the rumors about the possibility that TC is gay. Who gives a flying you-know-what??!! I seriously could care less. I just don't like the idea of people trying to pull wool over my eyes. Plus, when TC smiles, it's just smarmy. There's a huge "EW EW EW" factor - and there always has been where he is concerned. Add that to the fact that she looks about 12. Yes, I know she's of age, and I know 16 years really isn't that much of an age difference. But still . . . ew ew ew ew.

However, after reading the following interview, I can totally understand why Katie Holmes is such a sucker for Mr. Cruise. After dating someone like Chris Klein for 5 years, Tommy-boy would be a HUGE improvement.

Katie's Ungentlemanly Ex

Tom Cruise has indoctrinated Katie Holmes into an unorthodox faith, abused innocent sofas in her name (which he changed to Kate), repeatedly sucked on her tonsils in public and knocked her up with lightning speed, but, hey, at least he's not Chris Klein.

Yeah, we never thought we'd say that either, but then the actress' corn-fed ex-fiancé decided to spout off to Elle. We'd like to say he comes across in the interview as a chauvinistic, pompous bonehead, but that would be an insult to all the chauvinistic, pompous boneheads out there.
Whether through overcompensation or overconfidence, Klein, who dated Holmes for five years, spews some doltish doozies during the sit-down, beginning with whether there's a favorite meal he prepares to win over his dates.

"I don't need food to impress, man," boasts the cocky "
American Pie" C-lister. "It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food."
Chris, 26, a self-described "alpha heterosexual" who only dates "8 to 10's," also reveals how displeased he is if a woman he's seeing gains a few pounds.

"I'm not tolerant of that at all," declares the actor, who says he has no problem telling his swollen squeeze to shape up.

"When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body," he pontificates. "You have to say no."

Klein then rejects the interviewer's suggestion that "they're just looking for you to say, 'You look beautiful to me, honey.'" "If they do, it's placating," he scoffs. "I don't placate."

Given this attitude, it's not surprising when he admits the "worst thing" a woman ever said to him was, "You're a [expletive that rhymes with 'brass pole']."

As he recalls, "The time it really hurt was when a stranger said it. I was just trying to tell this chick to get lost. I try to treat all women with respect whether they're pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.'"

A few other gentlemanly gems from the chat include Chris describing wooing a woman as a "predator-prey situation" and admitting he stays "very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely."

Asked if this approach makes it tough for potential partners to unravel the enigma that is Chris Klein, he sneers, "Hey, man, I'm not here to hold hands and babysit. She's got to come to the table with something."

As for his romance with Holmes, Klein reveals they "had an absolute ball, but we grew up." He insists they're still friends even though they don't talk, and dismissively says he doesn't keep up with her "amazing" Cruise coupling, which in the wake of this interview now seems slightly less cringe-inducing (curse you, Chris Klein!).

"No way," he huffs. "I've got fantasy football to play."

Now I ask all of you - how did he get someone to stay with him for 5 minutes, let alone 5 years? I was hoping the empty-eyed look she's been sporting for photo-ops was just an act, but I seriously think that gal has security issues to deal with. No wonder it was so easy for TC to brainwash . . . uh uh . . . convert her.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Where I'm From, and Where I'm Going

I'm from . . .

a broken home.
growing up an only child.
losing myself in books.
imaginary friends.
a mother who thought of me more as a friend than a child.
a mother who thought that blond hair and blue eyes were so much better than ours.
having nothing but blond haired, blue eyed baby dolls and Barbies.
a family that thought being a "little bit" prejudiced was okay.
pushing evil under a rug, and being told to 'forget it - it's in the past.'
growing up too soon.

I'm going . . .
to stay married to the man I love more than life itself.
to learn what it's like to have a big family.
to try to teach my love of books to my girls.
to try to teach my children to look inside a person for the goodness.
to make sure I never judge a person by the color of their skin.
to make sure I get my children the dolls THEY want (even if they're blond).
to fight for justice for my children when they've been hurt, no matter how long ago the hurt occurred.
to let my children remain children for as long as possible.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Yeah, it's November. But hey! It's CALIFORNIA!

Yes, they're insane. But that's okay. We like it that way . . .

Thursday, November 03, 2005

The best revenge . . .

I just came back from a meeting about 30 minutes ago, and I opened my work e-mail. What should I find but an e-mail from someplace called PAN testing. It turns out, my former boss submitted my name to assess his performance as a manager.

*wicked laugh*

Oh, that was fun. I haven't felt this good in months.

If you'll recall (and I know you can't go back and check, since I committed blogicide last week), I was very upset at leaving my former co-workers, but I felt nothing but hate and discontent for my former boss. The man who promised when he first came on that he would see what he could do about reclassifying my position, but opted not to because (and I quote) "It's just too much work." Yeah, he really said that, folks. The SAME man who, after I transferred to my current position (with the best boss I've ever had, btw), attempted to reclassify my vacated position to a position EVEN HIGHER than the position I was asking for (he couldn't do it because the requested classification has NOTHING to do with the job he wanted performed - heh heh). The very same person who his workers have repeatedly accused of bending over willingly and taking it up the butt whenever a higher-up wants something done, never voicing any of our complaints or objections, because (I guess) he thinks he'll get promoted that way.

Now, I really have nothing against the man, himself. I know it doesn't sound that way, but for the most part, when it has nothing to do with work, he's a fairly decent chap. But he's the crappiest manager I've ever had the displeasure to work for. And, thanks to PAN testing, I got to voice that loud and clear. I have no idea if the results are forwarded to anyone but him, but it would be so nice if they were. I would love the idiots at headquarters to know what kind of fool they put in charge of that unit.

Sometimes, revenge really is sweet. I think I'll go reward myself with some of the Halloween candy I stole from my kids.

And hey - it only took 15 minutes of my lunch break to write. That means I can actually EAT during lunch. What a concept!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

What brought it on . . .

Well, a few of you asked what brought the whole new blog on. I'm going to try to explain it, if I can.

Over the past few months, I've been feeling . . . I guess dissatisfied would be the best word to describe it. I felt like there was something about ME that I needed to change. I didn't feel right. I felt like I was 'less than' what I should be. Off kilter, out-of-sorts, and - most of all - disappointing. Not to others, but to myself. And I couldn't put a finger on what it was that was making me feel this way.

All I knew was - I had to make changes. I'm sure most of you noticed my lack of posting over the past few weeks. I explained it all off, saying I was busy. Well, I AM busy. Very very busy. But that never stopped me from posting before. It was more like - every time I tried to sit down and post something, I felt like I was lying. To myself. To my friends.

It came to a head on Sunday. I sat down at the computer and brought up my blog. I hated it. I hated everything about it (except for the pictures of my family, natch). I hated that it was pink. I hated the way it felt. The way it looked. I just didn't want to see it anymore. So, I deleted it.

I know it seems a bit rash. I guess it's less rash than other things I could have done. But, it made me feel better. I didn't want to stop posting. I just wanted to feel different about it. I wanted it to look different. I wanted a new slate, I suppose. In life, there are no new slates. Whereever we go, we bring our baggage with us. But here - here I could. And I felt better afterwards. I still feel better about it. So, it's a start.

I haven't decided on what picture I'm going to use for my avatar yet. I'm still in the process of figuring everything out. As you can see, I haven't gotten all my links listed yet. I meant to do them this morning, but I got . . . distracted (Thank you, honey!!! I LOVE being distracted by you!). So, maybe tomorrow morning, or during my lunch break tomorrow afternoon.

Speaking of which - my lunch break is now over.