Whole Lotta Trouble
- Name: Callie
- Location: Wheatland, California, United States
I'm a mom. I'm a civil servant. I have a sense of humor, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Seeing the Light - whether I want to or not
When I get up in the middle of the night and have to . . .well . . . go, I never turn on the bathroom light. I just don't see the reason to have to turn on the light, wake myself up even more than necessary, just to let go of some excess liquid. After all, I know where everything in my bathroom is located. And, if I keep things nice and dark, I can go back to bed with a minimum of hastle, and get an extra hour or two of sleep.
This practice, sadly, has changed.
While getting ready for bed the other night, I happened to look in the bowl after I was finished. Hanging there by a little thread between the lid and the water was a teeny little spider.
Now, I'm not all girly. I don't (usually) freak at the sight of spiders. Wasps/bees/various other stinging creatures are a whole different story. But spiders I can pretty much handle.
Unless they come precariously close to my pink parts.
Then I'm a total girl.
I can't go in the dark anymore. I keep thinking there's going to be a big freaking spider down there, and I have to turn on the light and look.
If I seem a little more tired than usual, now you know why.
Have a good Monday everyone!
Friday, April 24, 2009
A Rose is a Rose . . . or not
Hubby and I were (for some ungodly reason) watching E! yesterday, when that idiot Kardashian program came on. I wasn't paying attention, but aparently Hubby was. He said something about that "look" being hot on Kim K, because he knew she wasn't really all that smart. I looked up to see Ms. K in a pair of glasses, with her hair pulled back (aka - the Sexy Librarian).
I looked at my loving husband quizzically, and he informed me that particular look was made even hotter on Ms K because everyone knows she's not really that intelligent, so it's like role playing, or some such nonsense.
So, because she looks smart, but isn't, that's considered sexy?
And when someone who actually HAS brains does the Sexy Librarian look, it's not sexy?
Guys? Do I have this right?
And if that is right . . . WTF????
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
This is gonna be interesting
That's nothing new. We're ALWAYS getting new neighbors. We live near a military base, so the influx and outgo of neighbors is quite high.
Our new neighbors seem great. Their oldest and my youngest struck up an instant friendship. That was wonderful, since Munchkin doesn't have many kids in the neighborhood her age who can play. And, as the overprotective Mom, I don't allow her to go the three blocks to the nearest classmate to play, unless I walk with her (which, lets face it, it almost never - as I am a lazy slob).
The mom has a wicked sense of humor, and we seem to get along really well. She called yesterday, and asked if I would like to accompany her a few times a week to the base gym to work out.
Me? Work out? In public? I think not.
Let's just say that I'm not entirely keen on the whole gym thing. I'm super self-conscious. When I work out, I do it at home. Alone. With NO ONE watching. Not even my husband.
"Sure! That sounds great!" I heard myself say.
Well, it seems I've gotten lazy. I know it. My wardrobe is definately showing signs of the strain. I used to get up between 4:00 and 5:00 AM to do my workouts. Now, if I get up at 5:30, and fit in a half an hour of yoga, I'm doing good. And I'm not good that often.
So, I'm going to break one of my rules. I'm actually going to work out where people can see me. Maybe it will shame me into actually showing some signs of progress.
Wish me luck. If I die of embarassment, I'll have Hubby dear write my obituary.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Waiting for the Train
Friday, April 17, 2009
Good for Groans
Have a good weekend, everyone!!!!
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a-head."
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes in-verse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Don't you just hate it when this happens?
Well, tomorrow came and went with me in meetings and running all over trying to get things done, and I (obviously) didn't get around to it.
Now, I'm sitting here, and I can't for the life of me remember what it was he said that was so flipping funny. I know it was snide and caustic, and aimed toward me (most of his humor usually is, but then again - I make such an easy target). It was brilliant. It would have made him an instant legend to the three whole people who actually read my blog.
But I can't remember it.
I HATE it when that happens.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Take THAT, Mr. Lard-A$$ Former Boss
"10 Secrets of the Effortlessly Thin
They move, stand and fidget more. "Thin people are rarely sitting," says Fleming. Beyond their regular fitness routines, they simply move around more—and consequently burn more calories—throughout the day. And a study at the Mayo Clinic confirmed this: Researchers found that on average, a group of lean subjects sat for two hours a day less than the obese subjects, potentially burning up to 350 additional calories. "
When I was 19, I worked for a local construction-type firm. The work was fairly easy, and I was in charge of the billing for two of the offices (one in Petaluma, one in Reno). Now, the way I have always worked is - I finish a task all the way through, so I don't have anything lingering that I will forget to do. If I had an invoice I needed to fax to the field office after I printed it, I would do it right away. I'd post the charge, fax, file everything away, then start on my next task. Very efficient, in my mind.
Apparently, not so much to the President of the company. He actually spent a morning spying on me from his office. He brought me in right after lunch, and proceeded to detail my every move that morning. I left my desk 9 different times, and he detailed the amount of time I was gone from my desk each time. I was flabbergasted. This man made how much money, and he was doing what with his time? I gave him a detailed accounting of my activities each time I was gone from my desk (I faxed a document, I made copies, I got coffee, I went to the bathroom, I am allowed a break, etc). After detailing all my sojourns, he informed me that, in the future, I am to hold all my copies for one trip at the end of the day. Same with faxing. In his mind, he paid me to sit at my desk and work. Never mind the fact that I was the one bookkeeper who actually balanced her books before everyone else, and had NEVER been late with my end of month reconciliations. Also never mind the fact that I always balanced. Every single month. No other bookkeeper had that record, not even my supervisor. See, I was costing him money because I was making copies.
My supervisor wasn't too happy with me the next day when I asked her permission to go to the bathroom. She told me I was taking it too far. Needless to say, I wasn't at that establishment too much longer. Something about my attitude . . .
A few years later, I found out that the President of the company died of a massive heart attack. Now, I don't wish ill on anyone. However, I wasn't heartbroken about it either. Maybe if he'd gotten off his fat butt to go make copies a few times a day, he might still be around today.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go make some copies.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
You have to wonder if one of these days, my children are going to blame me for humiliating them publicly . . .