Perils of being a teenager's parent
Okay out there - I need some input.
Kidlet, my oldest, has had a boyfriend for about a year. We'll call him Robert.
He's a cute kid. Doesn't put any pressure on my beautiful girl. They hang out together with a bunch of kids. They like video games. They play role playing games. Yes, I realize I'm raising a geek, but that's okay with me.
Cut to this Sunday. Kidlet was helping her dad outside. She told him she wanted to call Robert and see if she could go over to his house. Hubby told her that if Robert wanted to spend time with her, he would have to call her, not the other way around. It struck me that Robert rarely calls, and only comes over when he's picking Kidlet up for a school event, or when there's at least two or three other kids with him, and they're all hanging over at our house.
Kidlet was (naturally) quite upset with this, and said that "boys don't do that these days." I told her that I agreed with her father, and that if Robert wanted to see her, he could call.
I realize that Robert is scared of Hubby. Any normal boy would be. I mean - Hubby can be very threatening. He is a large framed man who favors weapon themed decor. No teenaged geek in his right mind would willingly enter our house and step one millimeter out of line, for fear of being buried deep in some unknown area of desert, food for scorpions and snakes.
But, shouldn't he at least call if he wants to see his girlfriend? Or is Kidlet right? Do boys leave it up to the girls now?
posted by Callie | 6/01/2009 09:30:00 AM
6 Comments:
Hmm, how tricky! I would think that it might be 50/50 nowadays, but not fully one calling the other, that's for sure. Interesting question!
I'm not raising nor am I a teenager right now, so I'm not sure of the Young Love Code of Etiquette these days!
How old is kidlet again? Too cute that she's got a geeky little boy toy.
I never would have called up my girlfriend (now wife) and invite myself over, that is not polite. That isn't to say I wouldn't call her up to have her come over to my house or to do something. But if he is shy and you are making him contact your daughter then don't expect to see much of him.
Also I think that this is teaching the wrong idea about your daughters place in a relationship. If she wants something she should have the freedom to request it. Sure it is just visiting right now. But what if she gets married and wants to go on a vacation, does she have to wait until he mentions it? Pishposh.
If you think guys and girls are equal in today's world, then she should be able to call up her boyfriend and have him come over. Or at the very least you should have a BBQ or something so that you at least get some time with him and then there would be a more formal reason for your daughter's invite.
Steph - Kidlet is 13 (she'll be 14 this summer).
Ookami - I wasn't saying she shouldn't call him at all. I'm just worried that he's not taking an active role in the relationship.
I think my daughter is worth a little effort. If he wants to see her, he should ask occasionally. She's been calling and going over to his place most of the year. He rarely calls her. I'm not saying he's taking advantage of the situation. In fact, I doubt it very much. However, I do think that after a year of going together, the effort should be more of a 50/50 split, not 90/10.
Ah, so the problem is that she contacts him way more than he does of her.
I would then be more supportive of your stance. Guys still call girls.
OLD SCHOOL HERE! If he wants to see her, he will call and when he does..invite him over. Then let LOWK feed him to the snakes. We all know what boys are after. It has never changed no matter what they tell you. Otherwise he is weird and you should shoot him just to put him out of his pain. Tell her to tell him to call or else...
hmmm... mama used to give me the line about how "boys call girls, not the other way around". had i listened, i'm not sure i would have actually had a boyfriend yet. however, i was pretty obidient about it until probably the middle of high school.
so, i vote you use that line until she's about 30.
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