Think they'll grow up to be sick and twisted?

The other night, I was tucking my two beautiful girls into bed, when their daddy came in to kiss them good night. Normally, if it's early enough, I get to entertain them with a bedtime story or two. I was fully prepared for the task when, to my amazement, they both started begging Daddy to read "Bambi". I looked at him quizzically, and all I got in return was a sheepish grin.

The previous night, due to exhaustion, Hubby-dear had done the tucking-in duty. Aparently, he read them "Bambi's Big Surprise", one of those Grolier books new parents get conned into purchasing when they have to have every little thing for their prescious, wonderful, intelligent, perfect newborn. In other words - before you get to know the REAL them.

Now, Hubby-dear is an avid hunter, and to say that Bambi is his least favorite Disney story is like saying California is full of self-absorbed neurotics. It's just a given. So, it was with great trepedation that I nodded my approval to his re-telling of this oh-so innocent book.

Following is my husband's rendition of this story:

Wake up Bambi, from your dream.
Eat your breakfast. Drink from the stream
The Sun is shining. It's a brand new day.
Run to your friends. A hunter's on his way.
Walk through the woods. Step around trees.
Crawl under branches. Jump over leaves.
Swim across water, splash and kick.
But be careful, or you'll get shot quick.
Climb up the hill. Do not stop.
Hop over stones. Get to the top.
Wait! There's a shadow by the path.
It's so funny, it makes you laugh.
Is it a plant or rock or tree?
Is it a new friend that you see?
No! It's Owl, Flower and Thumper too.
They're all dead, and so are you.


By the end of the story, they were squealing with laughter. Something tells me I am in SO much trouble.

Are they fucking kidding me???

This has GOT to be a joke. Right???? If not - write your own punchline . . .

What a difference . . .

I've decided I love my new dentist.

She's perfect.

If I were gay, and she weren't married, I would so be into her. Tall, very short dark brown hair, and full red lips. And so freaking gentle when she was giving me the novacaine. Novacane? Whatever. Never had a better dental experience in my life.

Anyway - I was right. I needed a root canal. She did part of it today, and I have an appointment next month to have it finished. Ah well.

Good thing about this is that I can now eat and drink without pain. I may actually take a nap later, and look forward to not waking up and holding my cheek in my hand for an hour. Woo hoo!

Sometimes you're the winshield, sometimes you're the bug . . .

. . . and neither is a very good position to be in.

It's been a crazy week here at Casa de Lowk & Callie.

We had the parent/teacher conference at Kidlet's school today. Actually, it was a little more than parent/teacher. It was parents, teacher, vice-principal, and special programs instructor. And it lasted for an hour. The good news is that Kidlet is doing better than she was at the beginning of the year grade-wise. The bad news is that her test scores went down from the beginning of the year. I know - I know. Makes no sense. However, she was recovering from a really bad cold when they tested her the second time, so we kinda think that's the reasoning behind it. So - she gets to go into the after school extension program. Finally. We've been trying to get her into this program since November/December. But her teacher kept stalling and stalling and giving us all kinds of excuses. But, when faced with both me and my husband and the VP and the other teacher, she kinda had to see things our way. heh heh heh.

Tomorrow, hopefully, I will finally get my permanent crown put in. I say finally because I've had a temporary crown since the end of October. This will be the third "permanent" crown they've tried to put in. Stupid fucking idiot dentist. I'm not too happy with them at this particular moment. Especially since I have this sneaking suspicion that I am going to need a root canal because of all this. It hurts. Badly. After my first visit with the dentist last summer, my initial impression was that he must have been a military dentist . . . for the other side. His bedside manner is awful. He's a conceited prick. And I am so very happy that yesterday was his last day. So - keep your fingers crossed that my new dentist will be a little more knowledgible and nice. Because I am thisclose to having a meltdown when it comes to my mouth.

And speaking of meltdowns, Kidlet finally got to see what mommy looks like when she has a temper tantrum. Yes - I still have temper tantrums. Some things an only child NEVER grows out of, and that's one of them. Saturday, there was a program coming on that she desperately wanted to watch. I promised her she could see it. Then hubby called and wanted to meet us at the mall. Well, I NEVER turn down a trip to the mall, especially when I know I can talk him into getting me one of those yummy pretzles. So, I told Kidlet we'd record her movie. No problem, right? Well, I put in a tape that I wanted to record over, set the timer, shut off the TV, and turned to leave, when the TV spit out the tape. I pulled the tape out, made sure the little tab wasn't pressed in (it wasn't), then turned the TV back on, put the tape back in, and shut off the TV again. Again, it spit the tape back out. So, I grabbed another tape, turned the TV back on, rewound the tape all the way back to the beginning, made sure the timer was set to the right time, and turned the TV off. It spat the new tape back out at me, too. Now, I'm pissed. Lowk is waiting for us, I've given my promise to my wodnerful little girl that we would record one of her favorite movies in the world, and here is my TV giving me attitude. So, I got attitude back. I hit the TV. Repeatedly. In front of my 10-year-old, very confused and very frightened child. I hit the TV. Then, I pushed the tape in, turned the TV off, and stared it down. The tape stayed in. I felt very much like the Russian in "Armageddon" when he decides to beat the malfunctioning ship when they're trying to take off from the asteroid. I'm sure I looked quite a bit like him, too. Only problem was, instead of using a pipe wrench, I used my hand. Which, five days later, is still sore.

And now Munchkin is crying. I love being a mom . . .

me . . . defined

Callie -- [noun]: A real life muppet 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Yeah yeah yeah

I know - I know. I haven't updated my links yet. I suck. Deal with it. I'll do it this week sometime. I promise.

In other news . . .

California's springtime weather has decided to leave us for awhile, and we're now back to winter. There was snow . . . SNOW . . . in San Francisco, which caused a huge pileup at the Golden Gate Bridge. Here in the Sacramento Valley, there have been reports of Snow in Unusual Places (remember, we're at about 50 ft above sea level, so this SNOW stuff makes the news). There hasn't been any at our house, but we've had our share of hail storms, freezing rain, and dark, stormy nights.

I'm personally not complaining. I'm sure Lowk hates it, though. He works out in it, poor baby. Me - I just poke my nose out of the overly-heated office building a few times a day to get a breath of fresh air, and wonder if we're going to have more tornado warnings. Yup - you heard me right - tornado warnings. It's crazy. This is California, for crying out loud. Home of the EARTHQUAKE. We know what to do with those. This tornado thing is something else, though. You ever want to see what makes Californians go ape shit? Put them in the middle of a itty-bitty little tornado warning. It's funny to watch. Bunch of overly-dressed liberals running around like the end of the world is coming. Turn on any local station, and what do you see? STORM WATCH 2006! Everywhere. Congress could pass the most important legislation in US history, and it might get a passing note at the bottom of the hour. The Middle East could be turned into a sheet of glass, and we wouldn't know about it. Why? Because some weather person spotted a teensy little funnel cloud a mile above the city. It's insane.

What else is happening . . . ?

I'm working my ass off. Seriously. I don't think I'll have any posterior by the end of June. I mean - I really do love my job. It's nice having work, and being busy, and actually being recognized in a good way for your work. But sometimes I just want to tell some of the people I work with to leave me the hell alone. I know they want their contracts completed. I know it's been here longer than they thought it should. But you know what? It's not going to get done if you call me every freaking hour asking for updates. Morons.

Speaking of work - I should probably get some done now.

Toodles!

Thanks Joe!!!

I ended up having to e-mail the template of my blog to Joefish, and within 5 minutes, he e-mailed it back with the Link thingy all working.

Joe - thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! You are a God.

I'll get everyone's link up later on after work.

epitaph

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Congrats Joe!!!

Just wandered over to Joefish's blog, and learned that he proposed to Barb (aka Dirty Bunny) last night!

Woo hoo!!!!!

Congratulations, Dude!!!

(oh - and I do plan on getting my links working this weekend. Work has been a mutha this week, and shows no sign of stopping)