5 Years Later

I remember the morning very clearly. I was about 5 months pregnant with Munchkin. That morning, I didn't watch news, which is unusal. I had a class that day for work, and I remember thinking I need extra energy to get me through the day. So I was watching videos while I was getting myself and my oldest daughter ready for work and school. When we got into the car, I had a CD in the player, so I just left it there. About halfway to work, I popped the CD out, and that's when I heard the news. The second tower was falling. I remember being at the stoplight, getting ready to get on the freeway, and hearing the news for the first time. The planes, the hijackings, the towers. I broke down and cried right there. I didn't know what to do. Should I take my child to school? Should I continue on into work?

I did both. The school wanted the kids to maintain as much of a normal atmosphere as possible. I went to my class, but not much got done. At noon, we heard that all state workers were being sent home for precautionary purposes. Rather than go home, I went shopping, because I knew I had to pick my daughter up in two hours. Walking around the store was like walking in a morgue. People were trying to go on with their normal lives, but their expressions were blank. They weren't smiling. They were just existing.

I remember thinking - if it affects us this much 3,000 miles away, what must New Yorkers be going through. I couldn't imagine it. I still can't.

I remember a few other things. I remember signing onto the forum I belonged to, and everyone worrying about our friends in the area. I remember checking the board every couple of minutes to make sure people were accounted for. I remeber sending out e-mails to people who didn't check in on the board. I remember trying in vain to call my friend who lived in New York, and not being able to get hold of her for three days. I remember Dani being stranded in LA for a week, because she was supposed to fly back home on 9/11.

I remember being scared about bringing a new child into a world where this could happen. I remember wanting to hold Kidlet until she fell asleep, just to make sure she was safe. I remember "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan being played over and over again, and every time I heard it, tears would fill my eyes.

Now, 5 years later, we're seeing movies and fictionalized accounts of this event which has affected our country so deeply. And I think - isn't it too soon? Do we want to reopen these wounds so quickly? But maybe we should. Maybe we shouldn't be allowed to heal, when the threat is still there. Maybe we should learn to be less complacent, and more vigilant.