Whole Lotta Trouble

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Location: Wheatland, California, United States

I'm a mom. I'm a civil servant. I have a sense of humor, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Pet Rules

My aunt sent me this, and I thought I'd share . . .


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway/hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom/the end is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine/feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

*_ To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets_*

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

What a week it's been!

Work is . . . still there. That's about the best thing I can say about it right now.

On the home front *pause for effect* SCHOOL'S BACK IN SESSION!!!!!!!!!!

*happy dance*

I mean - I love my oldest daughter. And the lady who babysits her is an old friend, and is the only person I trust with my children. But now that school's back, I only pay $45 per month, as opposed to $100 per week. YES!

Now, all I have to do is wait another year, and the youngest will be in regular school, and hubby and I will get a big fat raise.

This past weekend, we went to the State Fair. Our yearly excursion cost way too much money for lots of junk food and midway rides, but we had so much fun. Take a look!

After a full day at the fair, some of us were really tired.

The next day was Kidlet's 11th birthday. Naturally, we celebrated. Hubby took her to get her hair trimmed up before school. My mom bought her a video game, some clothes, and a cd. We got her a few cds, a movie, and some girly stuff (bath smellies, make-up, etc). Here's my gorgeous girl . . .

Well, I had more I wanted to say, but Munchkin is getting beligerent over here, wondering when I'm going to be done so I can give her a bath.

Have a happy Friday everyone!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

New Post for the Sake of having a New Post

Nothing really new happening. Very very busy here. I promise I'll do a real post soon, with pictures and everything.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Year Schmear. It's not like I'm in any hurry . . .

One year ago, hubby and I went to the State Fair and while we were there, purchased a hot tub to go with our brand spanking new pool. It was delivered sometime in October of last year.

Tomorrow at 9:00 AM (or thereabouts) we are finally going to have an electrician come over and wire it up for us.

Yep - we could afford the hot tub but not the damn electrician. Thank God the insurance company found that mistake the dentist made, and refunded me my money, or we'd still be waiting.

God, I love being trailer trash in the middle of suburbia . . .

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Crazy Week

It's been insane this week.

Last Friday was my boss's last day. In the week or so prior, I was organizing getting his goodbye cards signed, collecting money for the traditional last day cake for the entire office (about 100 people or so), and trying to get him to sign as many contracts as humanly possible.

So, now we are bossless. Well, not really. His manager has taken over his duties until they find someone else for the position. Yes, I did put in my application. No, I do not think I'll get it. Like I've said before, there are people who are applying who are way more qualified than I am, and who've been in Procurement and Contracts for a number of years. Besides, if I get the position, they may actually expect me to dress properly (ie - wear shoes around the office, not wear clothing that looks like I just escaped from a Greatful Dead concert, etc), and (God forbid) be nice to people who are trying to take advantage of me. And that wicked sense of humor I have? Probably not a good selling point.

See, I treat people like normal people. I don't kiss ass, and I don't treat people differently because of their title. I'm a bit goofy, and have a weird way of relating to others. I have two contract managers, for instance, who I have to work with to get a multiple-provider contract through the unbelievably long process of getting approved. I have informed both of them that I will more than likely HATE them by the time November rolls around. The two solicitations equal about 20 contracts, which means I have to get information from 20 contractors, about 40 insurance companies, and get the Secretary of State's office, the Office of Risk Management, and not one but two legal offices to approve it. Frankenstein's monster has NOTHING on the State's contracting process. Anyway, these two contract managers completely accept me, and know how to take my teasing in stride. Sadly, not all the people I deal with are like them.

I had my first meeting with the manager yesterday, to update her on all my contracts. An hour and a half later, and I feel as if I would gladly participate in a firing squad against this woman. Well, not that bad, but you get the drift. She's very very nice, but she doesn't understand the contracting process as well as some other managers, and I think it makes her nervous. And when she gets nervous, she likes to find out every little detail about things. And when people try to delve that deep into my work, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, I get a bit huffy. Oh, forget that. I get downright bitchy. After about an hour into the meeting, here is what my train of thought was like:

'She's judging me. I can feel it. She thinks I should have gotten this stuff done ages ago. She doesn't understand this at all. My GOD, I'm going to scream. I need a cigarette. Oh, wait - I quit smoking. Okay - I need chocolate. Damn! I'm on a diet. Shit! Shit! Shit! Is this ever going to end?'

Being the good manager, I'm sure she could tell I was getting defensive. Actually, I know she could tell because she told me, "Don't get defensive. I just want to have a clear picture of where we are." See? I'm good at deductive reasoning. Heh.

Anyway, an hour and a half later, the meeting was actually a wonderful success. She found two contracts that shouldn't have even come to me in the first place, and two more that needed approvals that I didn't even know existed. And by the end of the day, she had managed to find an easier way of handling yet a third contract of mine, and possibly taking a huge headache of a contract assigned to one of our other analysts off the board. Woo hoo!!

She's not as easy to relate to as my former supervisor was. She's much more professional and by the book. But, I'm finding out that isn't such a bad thing.

And now, I'm off for the next four days. Woo hoo!!!

Have fun everyone!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Now why can't this ever happen to me???

Stolen from MSN . . .

BRIDGEPORT, Ind. — Gamblers raked in nearly half a million dollars over two days on a slot machine that multiplied by 10 the amount of money that players put in, a newspaper reported.

Caesars Indiana lost $487,000 before a player notified officials of the problem with the machine, The Courier-Journal of Louisville, Ky., reported Friday.

Kathryn Ford of Louisville, Ky., realized something was wrong July 23 when she and her husband sat down at two of the machines, called Extra Money.

When she put in a $20 bill, the machine registered it as $200. She tried another $20 bill and the same thing happened, she said.

Ford said she put eight $20 bills in the machine and received vouchers that could be redeemed for $1,600 in cash — without even playing.

Other gamblers noticed.

"There was even a young woman who jumped in while I was sitting there. She ... reached across me, popped a hundred in, popped out a thousand and then she took off," Ford said.

Ford and her husband reported the problem to a security officer and casino officials determined the machine had a switch set for use in the Philippines instead of the U.S. instructing it to multiply credits by 10.